Conversation, the Lost Art (on me).

(Now playing: "You are My Cannibal" by The Death Of Anna Karina)


Oh yay, a big complaining blog post, on a blog, on the internet.

At least it isn't myspace, and no, I'm not listening to Taking Back Sunday ;D


So you know when you kinda like an album, so you listen to it over and over and over. It's good the first time, kinda peaks after a while as you understand the music, and then slowly, gradually diminishes to a point where you just don't feel entertained or inspired to listen to it anymore. For me this happened to Test Switch Isolator, Mindless Self Indulgence, The Jonbenet, System of a Down - hundreds of other bands...and at the moment, it feels like that's happening to my life.

It's not that nothing is happening, it's not that it is boring, empty, or even stagnant - it's just...overplayed, getting repetitive, and in need of new material. Whether this needs to just be me getting off my ass and making some changes or whether there's a genuine problem (which is interesting, as the former could be the latter anyway), it is getting to me more and more.

Everything feels like it needs maintenance, refreshing, renewing - my PC is a dinosaur, my bike breaks all the time and emits a constant whining sound, my MP3 player just died meaning I have to use my phone (which saps valuble battery time) and although I'm far, FAR from being an African living on a poor meal a week, it doesn't mean I'm not getting entirely sick of it all.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not depressed, although often I feel very very lonely (I have my great parents, great mates, but there's noone intimate, mutually passionate...whatever), and it feels there's noone out there that I'm really connected to. That's a lie. There is someone, but due to various things we rarely see each other (that little alleyway is in the postponed category).

Which leads onto the (ooh here we go, teenage boy rants about relationships) girl situation. Currently all the girls I can find are 15 (in year ten - two years below me). Why is this? I just don't feel I fit in with the ones at college. I used to blame this on them being boring/dull/closed/bitchy, but I think now I've come around to note that really I do have a problem with my maturity. On the outside. Whereas I'd consider myself someone who can think pretty maturely on the inside, I still feel younger than many of my peers - socially, I'm pathetic. I blame MSN e-culture. In ye olde days, people would phone each other up, meet up, chat, go out to parties - now, a large amount of people prefer merely to type away to each other all evening - it is, in many ways, vastly more efficient of course - especially in a college situation where many live out of immediate vicinity and thus well out of the sensibly-priced-travel bracket.

MSN allows our social skills to be completely lax and yet still communicate. Sure, my "e-social skills" are phenominal, I can recognise attitude and emotion through some of even the most poorly typed messages, however when it comes to the world, I'm pathetic. I'll mumble, stutter, forget the conversation, not be able to think of anything to talk about, or just be too scared to open my mouth in the first place.

I can see this problem growing, as MSN becomes the norm, and more people outside of the initial core of geeks that originally had their social skills entirely raped by instant messaging get affected, seduced by the lure of free, accessible communication with minimal effort and ridiculous emoticons.


I was considering walking to town tonight and just sitting there, staring. There are several logistical difficulties with this, which is why I tried to write a blog post.

Maybe, just maybe I need to get the hell outside...